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Eat, Eat, Dump

A review of “All the Way to the River: Love, Loss and Liberation” by Elizabeth Gilbert.

If you were alive in 2010, then you almost certainly heard of Eat, Pray, Love. If you haven’t, here’s a summary. A white American lady called Elizabeth Gilbert gets tired of men and heartbreak, so she goes on a global journey to prove she don’t need no man. She goes to Italy, and she eats. She goes to India, and she prays at an ashram. And she goes to Bali and… meets a guy and falls in love and marries him, thus asserting her dominance and proving her lack of need for men.

The book was wildly popular, proving to women everywhere that if you’re ever feeling down or lonely, all you need to do is pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and spend tens of thousands of dollars travelling around the world for months, without having to worry about job security because you’ve already received a massive cash advance for your book. Truly inspiring stuff.

I know what you’re asking yourself: was the guy she met in Bali everything she believed he would be? Did the marriage last? Did she earn enough money to never have work again? Is she still an inspiration to all those aspiring to be rich white ladies? Well, yes, no, yes, no. But all those questions were answered in the first sequel; Committed. A book widely hailed as a financially successful follow up to a financially successful book.

But we’re here to discuss this year’s follow up to the follow-up, in which Gilbert is back with another chance to dine out titled All the Way to the River. The first sequel was asking what marriage is like, but this second sequel is here to answer the question Who’s Eating Gilbert’s Pussy? And no, it isn’t Johnny Depp (star of the hit 1993 film “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”), but it is instead a woman who has already died of cancer.

This book tells the story of Gilbert’s relationship with that woman, a heavy drug user and terminal cancer patient. A woman that Gilbert supplied with drugs. A woman that Gilbert kicked out of her house, right before she died. A woman that Gilbert considered murdering. And this is all a true story. If nothing else, this book is worth discussing just for the horrendous opening; a letter by Raya’s ghost, giving Gilbert permission to milk her story for every penny that it’s worth. Probably the worst opening to any book. Ever. 

But Gilbert’s latest chance to eat is our chance to delight in another steaming dump. Join us this week as we pick apart this odd genre, Gilbert’s odder story, and the murky ethics behind this book.